


I Love You for You

by Kiloueka



Series: No Spoilers [6]
Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: 9S is trans, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Catharsis, Crying, Dysphoria, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gender Affirmation, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Love, Mental Health Issues, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Modern Era, One Shot, Oneshot, Projection, Slice of Life, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, binding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28452210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiloueka/pseuds/Kiloueka
Summary: Modern AU: 9S is struggling to find meaning in his life; he's falling behind on everything and can't understand what 2B--the light of his life and the main reason he's still pushing on--even sees in him anymore. When 2B finds him when she gets home she, with the help of their cat Dango, gently reminds him about what he means to her.
Relationships: 2B/9S (NieR: Automata)
Series: No Spoilers [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1475246
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	I Love You for You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [almaterias](https://archiveofourown.org/users/almaterias/gifts).



9S hated crying. 

He hated the feeling. Hated how his eyes would get red and puffy. Hated how his nose would get itchy and runny. Hated how loud and ugly he sounded. 

But most of all he hated how it made him so empty and hopeless. Crying was supposed to make him feel better, that’s what the science said. But it didn’t; it never did.

So then why did he do it so often?

He really was a pitiful sight, sprawled out on his messy bed covered in plushies, crumbs, and past-due assignments. He was falling behind in everything, he couldn’t keep up. He didn’t understand why. He was a star student growing up but…

Maybe he was just lucky and his luck had run out. It wouldn’t be long before 2B realized that and moved on, leaving him to stagnate alone.

2B…

He was taking so much more than he could give to her. Especially after coming out.

She was the one to talk him into therapy, to help him talk to transition counselors, to give him the courage to tell his mom. She was always there as the shining stone in the turbulent waters of his life. 

What did he offer her back? Cooked meals and someone to play video games with. Something she could get from anyone else.

He buried his face in his pillows and screamed. His mind was so foggy--he barely remembered why he started crying in the first place. He took a shuddering breath and winced as a sharp pain shot through his chest.

Oh, right. 

He needed a new binder.

But even with one so tight it hurt people still didn’t see him as who he really was. A binder couldn’t fix his face, or his voice, or his height. So why even try?

_Because all of 2B’s efforts to help you would be wasted if you quit now._

9S let out a harsh groan and punched his pillow. 

A faint _mrrp_ from the doorway caught 9S’ attention. He slowly turned his head to see his tiny, chubby cat Dango looking straight at him with his tail straight up. 9S listlessly waved at him and he meowed again and trotted over.

“Hey, Dango,” he mumbled and draped his hand over the edge. Dango trilled and rubbed his pudgy mustachioed face on 9S’ fingers. 9S twitched as his teeth rubbed against him and his whiskers tickled his palm. 

“Good boy.” He scooped the tiny tuxedo cat up and cradled him in his arms. Dango grunted and squirmed for a moment but settled in when 9S held him closer. A tiny purr rumbled in his chest, too faint to hear but just strong enough to feel with his hand buried in his chest fur. 

“Good baby,” 9S repeated and rocked back and forth. He scooted back and curled up in the corner of his bed. Dango’s purring grew louder and a sense of calm washed over 9S. He took in a slow, deep breath and tried to ignore the pressure his binder placed on him in his position. 

“You’ll love me no matter what, right baby?”

Dango blinked slowly at him and reached out to tap his paw on 9S’ cheek. 

“Heh,” 9S almost smiled. “You smell like cat litter. Mister Poopy Paws.” He loosened his hold and Dango slid out of his arms and plopped down beside him. 

At least Dango didn’t care what he was. He could at least count on him. But his friends? Family? How could he ever truly know? At least with cats, they don’t pretend to like people, they either do or they don’t.

Dango began grooming himself as 9S slipped into darker and darker thoughts. He shouldn’t feel like that. He had Dango, a roof over his head, food and internet, great friends, and a loving girlfriend.

But...

He never understood why.

He didn’t do anything to deserve the good in his life. Sure he had some good qualities, he thought, but so did other people...minus all the baggage. He thought about 2B, his ray of light.

_Why does she love me? She’s so kind and pretty and strong and loved and I’m just…_

Dango let out a soft prrt and stretched his toes out as far as he could. 9S placed a hand on his head but couldn’t find the energy to even smile. He felt empty. Disgusting. Broken.

Even if he could compare to her in all those categories, that still left the biggest problem...

_She’s a lesbian. She said she’s a lesbian._

_So why does she…_

He curled in on himself and groaned. Dango squeaked and padded to the end of the bed to continue grooming himself undisturbed. 9S shuddered at the sudden chill and pulled his blanket over him.

There were only two options, and he wasn’t sure which one was worse.

Either she didn’t really see him as a man…

Or she didn’t actually love him anymore.

She could just be pretending, waiting for the right time to pack up her stuff and leave. 

He groaned loudly and scratched his nose. He didn’t even realize he had started crying until he felt warm tears drip down his hand. 

Ugh not again.

It hurt. Everything hurt so much. Nothing made sense. Nothing was within his control. His chest tightened and he threw himself down and buried his face in his pillow to scream.

Nobody was at home so it didn’t matter if he was loud. 

A sound down the hall--keys jingling--causes 9S to flinch and bury himself under the covers. She couldn’t see him like this, not when he didn’t have an explanation that would satisfy her curiosity.

His breathing quickened as he heard the telltale signs of 2B entering and tossing her belongings into a pile. 

“9S, I brought dinner. Veggie Grill had some new bean curry I thought you might like.”

9S’ stomach rumbled. “Hey Bee,” he managed to squeak out. “Thanks I’ll be out in a sec.”

“Nines, are you okay?” 2B’s voice grew clearer and 9S could hear her soft footsteps and a rustling bag grow louder. 

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. I just--” _Don’t come in, please don’t come in._

The door squeaked and he quickly wiped his gross face on his blanket. 

“Nines?” 2B’s voice was laced with concern. There was really no hiding from her, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try.

“It’s fine, I’m fine, I just stubbed my toe is all.” _Idiot that's the worst excuse._

2B sat down at the edge of the bed. Dango meowed loudly and walked up to her. “Babe, if it’s that bad maybe we should get it checked out.”

“S’not broken I just...busted the nail.”

He flinched as 2B grabbed the base of the blanket and pulled it away from his feet. She let out a faint sigh as he tried to shy away. 

“Nines, talk to me, what’s wrong?” She shifted closer and placed her hands on his shoulders. 9S whimpered and buried his face in his pillow. It was already damp and gross from his earlier breakdown but he didn’t care.

She placed her hand on his back and felt along the seam of his binder. “How long have you been wearing this?”

9S groaned. “Dunno, all day?”

“Will you take it off?”

He shook his head and groaned again.

“I won’t look,” she promised. She tugged lightly at the base of his binder and 9S reluctantly relaxed his posture and held his arms over his head. He kept his eyes shut as 2B pulled it off and tossed it to the floor. The chill air made him shudder and he took a deep breath, filling his lungs full with much-needed oxygen. Already he felt better, lighter. 

Before he even had the chance to lower his arms, 2B threw an oversized shirt over him. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled, hugging his arms to his chest.

“Anytime.” 2B nuzzled forward and pressed her body against his back. She wrapped her arms around his belly, taking care to stay well away from his breasts. 

“2B,” he began and pressed his hands down on hers. His stomach rumbled and he hoped 2B wouldn’t let go to grab his food. That could wait.

“Do you…” he paused, holding back a whine. “Am I...ugh.” He doubled over and pulled 2B with him. She melded her body against his back and pressed her face to his neck. “What am I to you?”

“Huh?” 2B lifted her head. He could feel her body tense. “What do you mean?” There was a slight waver in her voice.

“I’m sorry,” he choked. “I meant to ask…” he opened his mouth but only a strained whine came out. “I can’t do it,” he finally sobbed and went limp on the bed. He was such a coward; he couldn't even bring himself to be forward with her and he knew he was just causing them both unneeded stress.

“It’s okay,” 2B kissed the back of his neck. “You don’t have to explain now.”

“But I should--I shouldn’t just--ugh. I’m sorry.” 

“Nines,” she whispered. “I know I’m not the best at showing...affection because...you know--” She paused and squeezed him. “I love you. So much.”

9S felt a sharp pang in his heart and he struggled to stay quiet. 

2B continued, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to love you the way you need to be loved.”

9S gasped and sat upright. “2B!” he almost yelled. “No, no don’t say that. I’m just being...ugh.” He turned to her; her eyes were downcast and she held her arms close to her body. His chest began to heat up to an almost unbearable level. 

Dango trilled and stretched up from where he had fallen asleep. He let out a tiny mew and rubbed his face against 2B’s arm, then 9S’. They both instinctively put a hand on him and began scratching.

“Good baby,” they both said. He trilled back and squeezed his way between them and curled back up, purring loudly. 9S stuck his hand on Dango’s ridiculously soft belly and felt his rumbling purr reverberate up his arm. 

“I’m sorry,” 9S breathed. He squeezed Dango’s belly flab and was met with a gentle nip and a huff. He let go but didn’t pull his hand away. “What I was trying to say was--” he took a deep breath. “You said...you only like girls. So does that mean--” he took a sharp breath. “Does that mean you--if you’re still with me--that you don’t really see me as a boy or...that you don’t really...love me anymore.” He shut his eyes and braced himself for an answer.

2B was silent for a moment; all 9S could hear was the sound of Dango’s rattling purrs and 2B’s fingers stroking through his cheek fur. Panic and dread roiled in his gut getting stronger every second. He squeezed his eyes harder to fight back tears. 

Before the first tear fell, 2B slid her hand on 9S’ cheek; he almost didn’t feel it--her touch was feather-light. He pried his eyes open and looked at her; she had a soft smile on her face. He didn’t know what that meant.

“Nines.” She pressed her forehead against his. His shoulders shook and he blinked away tears. “You are a boy, and I love you. Those two facts can coexist.”

“But--” he sniffed.

“Labels are stupid.” She wiped away tears with her thumb. 9S felt himself leaning into her touch. “You told me yourself how ridiculous and complex gender and sexuality is.”

“Y-yeah.” 

“And,” she paused. “I didn’t doubt you for a second when you came out to me. I mean--I _was_ confused...and scared when you first told me...scared for you,” she murmured.

“Wh-what do you mean?” He squeezed Dango’s belly again and got another gentle nip.

She wiped more tears away. “Well, confused because it was all so new to me. I mean, I had trans friends before but they were already out when I met them. I didn’t know what to do at first and I was just so scared of messing up and hurting you. And I was scared of the world hurting you. I didn’t know how I was supposed to react, how I could support and protect you.” She let out a shaky, weak laugh. “I probably annoyed Pascal half to death asking him so many questions.”

9S let out a reflexive huff despite not feeling any warmth from that statement. He knew he should, but guilt and numbness overpowered everything else.

“But,” 2B continued and pulled 9S into a hug. “I never stopped loving you, not even a little bit.”

“2B,” 9S whimpered. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her even closer. She was so warm. He felt Dango wriggle out from between them and settle just out of reach to lick himself. 2B placed a hand on his shoulder and pushed him down against the bed. He didn’t struggle; he simply went limp as she positioned them both comfortably against each other. So warm.

“You are a boy and I love you.”

9S let out a low whine as his heart thundered in his chest. 

“I love you...because you’re kind and smart and funny and brave and stand up for what you believe in.”

9S felt his cheeks get hot. He began to fidget with the hem of 2B’s shirt and buried his face in the blankets.

“I mean it, Nines.” 2B kissed the top of his head. 

9S made a whiny grumbling sound and began to curl in on himself. 2B placed her hand on his thigh and stroked it until he relaxed a bit.

“I love you because you were there for me when no one else was. I love you because you loved me when I couldn’t love myself.” Her voice lowered and her words were almost too quiet to hear. “I still can’t.”

9S groaned. “TwooBeeee…” He turned his head to look into her tired eyes. She smiled at him; the subtle warmth of her expression gave him a faint serene feeling and he relaxed his body slightly more. “You’re not allowed to hate yourself, remember?” The corners of his lips twitched and he fought to smile back. He knew he probably looked like a ridiculous faker but he had to offer something back. 

“Neither are you,” she hummed, poking him in the nose.

“NooooOooOooo.” He turned to bury his face back in the covers but 2B stopped him.

“I’m not finished,” she said with a twinkle in her eyes.

9S’ face grew even hotter and his chest burned.

“I love you because you’re _you._ Not because of your gender or what you look like. You could look like a weird tentacle demon for all I care and I’d still love you.”

9S bit his lip as a laugh fought its way to the surface. He snorted and hid his face in his hands. Just with that little ridiculous statement, he could feel the fog lifting and his body felt lighter. 

“Heh,” he breathed. “Thanks, 2B.” 

“And I mean it,” she smiled, pulling his hands away from his face and kissing him on the forehead. He smiled back, this time it was easier, natural. Even Dango sensed the mood shift and padded back over. He wasted no time to squish himself between them and somehow shove his butt in both their faces.

“Gross,” snorted 2B.

“Aww, don’t say that 2B,” 9S playfully scolded, pushing Dango’s butt away. “That’s just his way of showing his love too. You know he’s not good with words either.” 

“Do you want me to shove my butt in your fa--wait,” 2B gasped and slapped a hand over her mouth. 

9S burst out laughing as 2B hid her face in shame. Her little embarrassed whines were adorable and made 9S’ heart flutter. 

He leaned up to 2B’s ear. “Maybe in a bit, I’d like to eat and shower with you first,” he hummed in the smoothest voice he could muster. 

“Niiines,” 2B squeaked and gently kneed him in the leg. “I’m--you’re--goddamit,” she began to laugh too. It was shaky and awkward but it was genuine music to 9S’ ears. 

9S wrapped an arm around 2B and nuzzled into her, taking care not to disturb Dango too much. He didn’t seem too bothered, thankfully, but 9S could feel him inching his butt back towards their faces. 

9S sighed a dreamy sigh. “Dango really is the perfect cat.” He squeezed 2B’s shoulder. “And you really are the perfect girlfriend.”

2B blushed and bonked her forehead against his. “I wouldn’t say perf--”

“Shh shh shhh--” 9S put a finger to her lips. 2B huffed and pouted but lurched up and bit his finger lightly. He squealed and almost pulled back but stopped himself at the last moment and instead pressed it on her tongue. 

“Wha are you doin?” 2B snorted.

9S shrugged and made an _I dunno_ noise. 

“Mmm hungee...migh thake a baith.” 2B nibbled on his finger. 

“Nooo, I need that.” He pulled his hand away and cradled it protectively against him. His stomach growled and he was hit with the realization that his curry was probably cold by now. “Speaking of, we should probably eat; all I had today was an apple.”

“ _Nines,”_ 2B scolded.

“What? I wasn’t hungry and now I am.” He started to get up but was stopped by a meow of protest. “Oh no,” he pouted as Dango dug his claws into him. “Guess we’re stuck.”

“Guess so,” 2B yawned. “I can wait a bit, don’t wanna move right now anyway.”

“Yeah, me neither,” 9S yawned back. “I don’t wanna let go of my perfect girlfriend.”

2B smiled. “And I don’t wanna let go of my perfect _boy_ friend either.”

**Author's Note:**

> Want more Modern AU fluffy content? Lemme share my friends' good fics too!
> 
> [Lemon Bars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16998765): by eevoch. Adam and Eve bake lemon bars for the android crew [G]  
> [In Love With Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28378740): by Pangr. 2B6O fluff [T]  
> [A Welcome Distraction](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27200378): by MeetTheTank. Modern werewolf AU post-black-friday steamy fluff [E]


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